They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
