Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
