that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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