He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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