My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
