i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
