You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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