im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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