I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
