Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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