Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
