I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how drunk are you?
Several
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
