Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my being single is dangerous.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
