Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
