i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
