someone threw a dead crab at me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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