hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Randomize
