We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
