yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
