is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
