Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
