drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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