It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
