I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
