How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
