So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
