please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
