i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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