did you get engaged???
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
