Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
