Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
