i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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