He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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