She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
