garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
