Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize