so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
