i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My feet surprised me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
