I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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