Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
