Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
