Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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