they need to just BURY HIM!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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