A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
