It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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