I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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