my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
