Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
