Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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