Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
