I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
