did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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