Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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