I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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