You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
