You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize