every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
