I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
