she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
