1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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