Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize