I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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