college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize