Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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