Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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