This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
