how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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