the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
