what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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