Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
