therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
